WEN YIDA
Blk 302 Clementi West 1
Singapore 120302
Mere Curt Siegel
Associate Director of Admission
B University School of Management
Dear Miss Siegel,
I am writing this letter to apply for the two-years graduate study of Mathematical Finance in B University,and ask for consideration of scholarship.
Firstly, I was considered to be one of the top students in a world leading university. I have recently graduated from National University of Singapore with a first-class honor bachelor degree of computer engineering.In University, I kept good academic performance, played a key role in a multitude of student communities&activities, and acted as a project leader for many times.
Further, I have owned several internship experiences from international companies in different fields, all of them are world top 500. In summer of 2011, I worked as an intern in IBM IT consulting department; In winter of 2011, I worked as an intern in management consulting department of Accenture Co, under the supervision of Mr xxx, the executive manager of Accenture Co of the big Chinese region; in summer of 2012, I worked as an intern in Credit Suisse financial department in Hongkong, and my project focused on quality controls of financial products.
Last but not the least, I have developed diverse competitive skills which recognized by public. I have basic financial knowledge. In university, I have took both basic economics(EC1301) and financial accounting(ACC1002X) modules with good grades. Further, in 2012, I passed the CFA (Chartered Financial analyst ) level-1 test. Moreover, my English is good, with large vocabulary and rigorous logic thinking ability. I got 8 out of 9 of IELTS test and got 1540(verbal 740) from GRE test.
I have an outgoing, industrious personality with strong sense of responsibility and good leadership skills. In addition, I am a self-disciplined person and tend to lead a regular life. I keep a good social network with almost all my colleagues and classmates during intern and study; and during my intern, I was appreciated by different supervisors several times and you can find their recommendation letters in attachment.
It is worth taking into consideration that I have already been selected as a preferred candiate by your staff in last year. I really have a strong interest in financial area, want to understand financial market, and pursue interests so that can save more people in need,especially those in China.I believe, by this two years program, I will make a difference and realize my American dream.
Thanks for your consideration. I am looking forward to your early reply.
Sincerely,
Yida
Hi Yida, you should say "In university" instead of "During my university era" and "I have taken" or " I took" instead of "I have took".
ReplyDeleteI hope this helps!
Anyway, good job on the part when you wrote out the internships and abilities you have, it will undoubtedly impress the person reading it.
Wow. I'm impressed by your achievements. Too bad I don't own a university for you to emrol in it. Haha
ReplyDeleteAnyway, some comments..
1. It will be good if you are a little more concise. This letter seems a tad too long.
2. I feel tjhat there are some achievements that are not supported should not be included. For example, you were considered the top students. It will be better if you have said you are on the Dean's list.
3. I am not too sure if people have used ordnal terms (firstly etc) in their cover letter.
4. It will not be necessary to state all of your internships in the cover letter. Simply generalized it with what you have learnt or some experiences or roles.
5. For your 4th paragraph, you could summarized it better by stating you have indicated financial interest during university days as seen from these 2 modules. The language there is a little coarse. You may need to refine it.
6. In 6th paragraph, the part on 'lead a regular life' is a little weird /:
Oh no, I seem a little critical here X: If you have anything that you do not understand from my comments, please do let me know.
Heh :D
It's Vivien who posted the above comment!!! Haha
ReplyDeleteHi Desmond,
ReplyDeleteWould like to point out that you have omitted the date of your application letter!
I find the dates of your internships puzzling. I noticed that you have included Winter 2011 and Summer 2012 internship experiences. Perhaps an error?
In the next paragraph you also mentioned you passed CFA in 2012. By this do you mean you will obtain the CFA in 2012?
You have listed many impressive qualities in your cover letter, but I think you should focus more on why you are interested in the programme and the university you are applying to.
Lastly, you should also leave contact details for the department to contact you. Other than your home address, your contact number and email should be included as well.
Hope this helps!
Hey Desmond,
ReplyDeleteI think your cover letter has a good framework. However, I feel that the paragraph where you talk about the modules you have taken is not needed as these will be shown in your educational transcript too. “key role in a multitude of student communities&activities.” I think you should spell the word and here instead of & as the cover letter is in a formal tone.
‘…acted as a project leader for many times.’ You could change this to ‘project leader on many occasions.’
‘Further, I have owned several internship experiences from international companies in different fields, all of them are world top 500.’ You could change this too furthermore, I have interned in several international companies with a proven track record.
Maybe you may want to portray some of your traits and abilities more explicitly such as relating some of the skills that you picked up during your internships or during your course of study.
Hope this helps.
Cheers
Oh yes,
ReplyDelete'my project focused on quality controls of financial products.' spelling error. should be spelled as focussed instead I agree with Bernard that you should leave your contact details at the end